Maywalk
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Another true tale...............The Legs.Talking about old times this afternoon to my family and my granddaughter was in hysterics about this tale I told.
I used to be in charge of the seconds department at the hosiery firm I worked for.
Then there was Horace a gentle giant of a man who used to suffer with his nerves a lot. Horace was in charge of the folding room.
Last was Jack a small bloke who was foreman over Horace and had a terrible way of speaking to the women, plus bullying Horace who was literally terrified of him.
Jack only tried his bullying tactics with me once and I turned on him like a hellcat and told him he was NOT my boss and if he did not treat the women with courtesy I would complain to management.
WOW he certainly calmed down after that.
Anyway to get to the main story.
Where I worked there were massive sliding doors where the work, after being finished, was sent back in skips that looked rather like the big basket trunks that actors use.
This particular morning Horace came through and put his hand up to me rather than say 'Good Morning'. I could see he was trying to eat something so I just acknowledged him and glanced as he went towards the sliding door to check the goods that had arrived. I looked back at what I was doing and as I heard the doors slide open I heard a terrible gurgle. I looked up very startled as Horace tried to say something but his false teeth shot out of his mouth still wrapped round a toffee that one of the girls had given him.
I ran to his aid and quickly picked up his teeth in my hanky and shoved them in my pocket because I thought he was going to have a heart attack and I did not want anyone stepping on them.
As he slithered down the door frame with me holding on to him trying to stop him hitting the floor he pointed to one of the skips and there were two legs sticking out with odd socks on and holey shoes.
It looked like a dead body but at the time I was trying to support Horace from fainting out and being a big bloke of 6ft 2ins tall against my 5ft nothing it was taking me all my time to hold him. Somebody else had heard the kerfuffle and came running out.
Jack the foreman came along bellowing “WHATS OOP? WHATS OOP?”
I told him instead of shouting "WHATS OOP" to give me a bl**dy hand to get Horace on a chair and to get him back into this world.
Meanwhile the other person who came out lifted the lid on the skip and it revealed two model legs with socks on that I had to use in my job plus two old shoes on the end of them.
Some silly b****r was playing the fool and had undone the skip to place the legs as though someone was inside the skip. It frightened poor Horace so much it nearly caused him to have a heart attack.
When things calmed down I took Horace’s teeth to the toilet to try and prise the toffee out of them.
Gawd Almighty it was like wresting with a bl**dy alligator.
I stood for nearly half an hour trying to get the darn things free.
I managed it in the end but I think Horace learnt his lesson NEVER to try and eat toffees with false teeth.
Later on in the day the owner of the firm came round to see if all was well, which he did every day.
I had to follow him out of the door as he was doing his rounds and as we walked in the yard what should be sticking out of the biggest heap of coal slack but two feet with holey shoes on.
It took a lot of talk and convincing of the boss to tell him that a prankster was running amok because he ordered two men to start shovelling in case some one was underneath the slack.
The legs looked SO very real.
What a day that was.
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JoJo
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Thats a good story maywalk 
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Maywalk
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Thanks Jojo.
I still have a giggle about it even now. 
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Sandie Seward
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Poor Horace. I hope he recovered fully, Maywalk?
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Maywalk
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Yes he lived a few more years Sandie.
It put a few years on my life though that day having to wrestle with his ruddy teeth. 
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Sandie Seward
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That really was "Over and Beyond the Call of Duty" Maywalk.
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