Gawd help us if this is the future generation!!!!!!!!!
Danny Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?
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Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
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Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
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Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
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Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what ? Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
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Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
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DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
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Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
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Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
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Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.
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Phil Wood: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
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Richard and Judy:
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Err . . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Err . . .
Leslie: He makes cakes . . ..
Contestant: Kipling Street?
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Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
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Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
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Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
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Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
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Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant (long pause): Err, it's not in Scotland, is it?
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Mick Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
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Presenter What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific
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Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
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Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
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John O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Err, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er ... three?
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Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.
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Richard Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
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BLIND DATE (ITV) Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
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Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ... Mexico?
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Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton
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Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
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Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
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Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbour?
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Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
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Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . ..
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .. .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
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Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea: a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.
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Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
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Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.
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Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . . .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.
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Steve Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.
Sandie Seward
A ll products of our wonderful Education system, no doubt!
JoJo
Those made me laugh maywalk
Ken R
JoJo wrote:
Those made me laugh maywalk
Don't laugh too long Jo Jo, these people could be the next government !!
