Sandie Seward
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NOW you know why I do not trust Doctors!!!Quoted by "Peterborough" in the Daily Mail recently, these extracts from medical notes written by Glasgow doctors ...
• The patient has no previous history of suicides
• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital
• Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40lb weight gain the last three days
• She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
• On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
• Discharge status: alive, but without my permission
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
• She is numb from her toes down
• While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home
• The skin was moist and dry
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches
• Patient was alert and unresponsive
• Rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid
• She stated that she had been constipated most of her life until she got a divorce
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
• Examination of the genitalia revealed that he is circus sized
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
• Skin: somewhat pale but present
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled round the room
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr.Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead
• By the time he was admitted his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better 
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